John Gottman, Ph.D. suggests that

contempt develops from criticism and defensiveness

and reflects a sense of judgment, moral superiority, or disrespect toward another person’s thoughts, emotions, behaviors, or character. It is commonly expressed through sarcasm, ridicule, eyerolling, mockery, or insinuations of character flaws or moral deficiency.

Rather than resolving conflict in a mutual way, contempt fuels attack and counterattack, eroding emotional safety and trust. Contempt not only predicts relationship breakdown but is also associated with increased stress, emotional withdrawal, and even physical health problems due to chronic relational stress.

Contempt is typically rooted in long-standing, unresolved issues that have become emotionally charged triggers for one or both partners. Over time, these unresolved wounds create resentment and emotional distance.

Healing from contempt requires intentionally shifting from reactivity to respect. This begins with active listening, emotional regulation, and a willingness to understand rather than judge. Practicing empathy, expressing appreciation, and replacing criticism with clear, respectful requests help restore connection. When couples commit to listening with curiosity and compassion, they can move toward win–win solutions that address underlying issues and rebuild trust and emotional closeness.