According to John Gottman, Ph.D. frequent ongoing criticism is one of the causes of relationships ending. Criticism is expressing dissatisfaction by attacking a partner’s character or personality, rather than addressing a specific complaint.   It includes blame, generalizations, and negative character judgments.   It targets who the person is, not what they did.  It uses global statements like “always” or “never”. Gottman contrasts criticism with a “gentle start-up”, which focuses on feelings and specific behaviors rather than personal attacks.    Here are alternatives addressing a complaint. Describe an event that created an issue.  Describe thoughts and feelings about the event and further describe your wants regarding the issue.  Use “I” statements and focus on your experience rather than attacking the other person.  Instead of: “You never listen” Use - “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted.” Describe behavior, not character:  Instead of: “You’re careless” Try - “The bill was paid late, and that caused stress for me.”  Express needs clearly: “I need more consistency with our plans.” Make a request not a demand, Invite cooperation rather than compliance. “Would you be willing to check in with me before making changes?”  Criticism in an argument often triggers defensiveness and escalates conflict. Healthier alternatives help you express concerns while preserving respect, emotional safety, and problem-solving.